im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
