Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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