Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
