He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize