i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
