it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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