I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
