I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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