So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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