i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just cut my nipple shaving
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
