He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
did i just pee glitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
