she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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