Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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