I will die if light touches me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
