His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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