So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
