college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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