im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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