you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
