omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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