it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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