After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
