I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
