Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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