yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
