You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
