I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
