I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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