I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
