Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
