she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
