FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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