dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
