do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
