she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
