I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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