There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BRING THE BAGELS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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