I wish life had little blips of pornography
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
