I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just cropdusted the office
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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