he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
