I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
