It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
