Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
