I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
