my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
