Porn is love you can see.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
