Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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