This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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