you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize