Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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