no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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