i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
