The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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