I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
