smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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