And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
