Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
