Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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