Someone shit on the floor
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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