There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry about my life...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
