Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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