Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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