what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
