just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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