i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
