can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize