O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
