oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
