Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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