Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
