i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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