Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
